she's a flower that grows

baha

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 05:24:49 GMT

] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[X] I've consumed alcohol.
[X] I've run away from home.
[X] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[X] I am for Bush.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books. (sorta)
[X] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[] I open up to others easily.
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world
[] I watch the news.
[X ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[X] I own an iPod or MP3 player.
[X] I own something from Hot Topic.
[X] I love Disney Movies.
[X] I am a sucker for hair/eyes.
[] I don't kill bugs.
[x] I curse. ((ish? not habitually..))
[X] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[X] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation. ((on PURPOSE to be FUNNY))
[] I love Spam.
[] I bake well.
[X] I would wear pajamas to school. ((i do every day haha))
[] I own something from Abercrombie.
[] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[X] I am in love with love.
[] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS. ((baha))
[X] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice. Even though I now know it was fake.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[] I can't swallow pills.
[X ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.
[X] I have many scars.
[] I've been out of this country.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[X] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I see a therapist.
[] I love white chocolate.
[] I bite my nails.
[] I play video games.
[] I'm single.
[X ] I'm in a relationship.
[] Gotten lost in the city you live in.
[X] Saw a shooting star. ((awe;kalsjdfa i loved that nite! "the start of something good"))
[] I had a serious surgery.
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[X] I have kissed a stranger. ((i'm so ashamed))
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[X] Been in a fist fight.
[X] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[X] Made out in an elevator. ((balahsfhahahaha))
[X] Swore at your parents.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[XXXX] Been in love. ((haha why does that look like INTENSE porn?))
[] Been to a casino.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[] Broken a bone.
[X] Skipped school
[] Flashed someone
[X] Saw a therapist.
[X] Played spin the bottle
[] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Gotten the chicken pox.
[X] Kissed a member of the same sex. ((again, ashamed))
[] Crashed into a friend's car
[] Been to Japan
[] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[ ] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex.
[X] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[] Gone on a blind date.
[X] Lied to a friend.
[x ] Had a crush on a teacher ((COACH NEALLLLL))
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married.
[ ] Gotten a divorce.
[ ] Had children.
[X] Been on a plane
[X] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. ((love it-- SO weird))
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[X] Eaten Sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding. ((WANT TO!))
[X] Been skiing. ((on the water))
[X] Met someone in person from the internet. ((if i met people i went to high school with on the internet first then yah))
[ ] Been to a motorcross show.
[ ] Lost a child.
[x ] Gone to college.
[ ] Graduated from college.
[ ] Done hard drugs.
[X] Taken painkillers.
[X] Had someone cheat on you. ((i'd still love to kill him))
[X] Miss someone right now ((gahhh, so bad))

i don't know why i did that
it was the biggest waste of time when i COULD Be sleeping...
going to DO that :o)

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 19:58:58 GMT

jf;lsafd i'm a liar! i can't find them!

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 23:02:41 GMT

1. ONE WISH?
To stop being torn in 92034 directions about 329048 things
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
A lover... but a fighter when you mess with me
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
... honestly, i can't put my finger on one-- I guess to love everyone I love
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
pssh, unfortunately no.
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
ridiculous and a definite waste of my time
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
nope, but i make wishes on the wrappers
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
haha i had curls- i guess i was alright
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
i'd rather not but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
uhm, off white and grey?
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
when no one's home
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
no, but i really want to
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
mmm, i crochet baha
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
anywhere that allows me to get away completely
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
meh
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
yes'm
16. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
well yah-- but i'm not gunna go out and protest or anything
17. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
487.3
18. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
slowly, yes
19. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
yep- today, actually
20. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
nope
21. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENERS?
i prefer mechanical pencils, actually
22. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
silly and a waste of time... how can you not feel bad for murdering animals?
23. IS THERE MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
i'd like to think so
24. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
every now and then...
25. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
nothing that i know of... although sometimes i worry about almonds
26. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
about 10 minutes ago
27. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
nope and i'm not positive that i care, haha
28. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
absolutely
29. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
in cake. haha
30. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
as dumb as brunettes
31. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
pardon!? i'm not sure that makes sense..
32. WHAT TIME IS IT?
6:57
33. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
plenty, yah
34. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
in every way
35. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR?
2 minutes ago
36. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
either, really- baths are so relaxing
37. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
in my mind, yes
38. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
... mmmmaybe
39. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
when i freak myself out about it, yah
40. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
diet coke ((cherry especially))
41. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
changes with my mood... but usually smooth
42. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
yah, really loud too
43. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
nope
44. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
three times
45. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
yes'm
46. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
depends on how tired i am
47. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
greenish bluish weird
48. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
for the most part
49. LIQUOR OR BEER?
liquor
50. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
psychic? nah... but weird things do happen
51. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
nope
52. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
used to play sax, currently play guitar
53. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
joking around, yah- but i always give it back
54. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
i'd love to try
55. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
yah
56. DO YOU SNORT WHEN U LAUGH?
if you get me going enough
57. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
magic in the form of miracles, yes
59. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
well, not actually
60. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
if it makes the person happier, yah- but i won't do it
61. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
kinda?
62. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES?
according to others, yah
63. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
not really... but cooler than lately
64. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
a piece of tropical gum
65. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
rarely
66. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
...? yes.
67. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING COMMERCIAL?
don't watch tv
68. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
yes- i'd buy everything there if i wasn't worrying about saving money for school
69. DO YOU SNORE?
i used to
70. FAVORITE SONG AT THE MOMENT?
Don't Drink the Water- DMB

((terribly bored.))

Mon, 16 May 2005 21:00:38 GMT

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
-Friedrich Nietzsche

why am i OBSESSED with that quote?

Wed, 11 May 2005 18:57:02 GMT

I'm PSYCHED.

1. I worked for 6 hours Sunday and got $230. HENCE the reason I tell everyone to wait tables! Now, I can get a new cell phone and that excites me because ANYONE who has seen the one I'm using now could tell you how beat up it is! *THUMBS UP*
2. I've got an AMAZING job lined up at Carowinds where I will be making GOOD MONEY to just go around and talk to people. Also, Jonathan is my boss and he's SUCH a great guy that I know this summer will be a BREEZE.
3. So this whole car issue is NOT an issue any longer because I definitely have taken over Mom's stealth! Granted, I have to pay for the OUTRAGEOUS prices of gas, I'm okay with it because HELLO- I have a car to drive.
4. Everything with friends is falling back into place and I'm so thankful for that. For a while there, I was really concerned with how this summer was going to go but as of now, I'm pretty faithful about it. *Thank God.*
5. I GET TO TRY OUT FOR THE USC DANCE TEAM THIS SATURDAY!! Dude, if i MADE it, I can't even tell you all how excited I would be. Let me repeat- the USC DANCE TEAM. They perform at the games and have you SEEN that stadium!? Sheesh... I seriously almost had a heart attack when I found out I could audition. *PRAYING*
and lastly!
6. It's almost summer. And with summer comes warm weather. And with warm weather comes HAPPINESS and with happiness, well, life is great! Things are looking up and regardless of the fact that they're not going the way I had imagined them going, it's okay because I know better things are in store!

*I CAN'T WAIT*
I love you alllllllll! <33

Tue, 10 May 2005 18:39:04 GMT

My heart has a decision making process which takes NOTHING into account- not time, not space, not age, not ANYTHING. It knows what it wants and leads me to believe that regardless of any other issue, I should make every prayer, thought, and action lead me toward my dreams.
My mind, on the other hand, is realistic and understands that I'm not always going to be able to get my way because there ARE factors outside of me that can affect the outcome. My mind sees the struggle, the downfalls, and the amount of work that must be done in order to achieve everything that I desire. It acts as a barrier or yield sign to my ambition and constantly makes me doubt the beliefs of my heart.
Finding the perfect mixture of the two is the most difficult thing to do at times. Everyone says to "follow your heart", but sometimes it isn't reasonable to do so. Everyone says "make sure you think it through", but in doing that, you can scare yourself out of every single thing.

So what do you do?
Sit back and wait for the things you want to come to you?
Or do you chase them down and take action toward making your dreams reality?
Do you wait for the "right time" or create the "right time"?
Do you approach the world or wait for the world to approach you?

I wish I knew because then, I might actually feel like I was going somewhere instead of sitting idle and wishing I knew what to do.

Sun, 08 May 2005 04:30:10 GMT

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.
It will make or break a company ...a church ...a home.
We cannot change our past.
We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

-charles swindoll

so bittersweet...

Wed, 04 May 2005 06:03:48 GMT

I walked into this room on August 14th, 2004 to white concrete and apalled, Aubrey and I both used our body weight in tape to color this room with memories, pictures, and silly posters as a way to hide the ugliness.
And here I am again, apalled by the concrete because the color has been stripped, posters rolled, pictures packed away into boxes, and memories tucked away to a place where I can bring them out to share with everyone who wasn't there to experience them.
I wish I could accurately describe everything wonderful that this year has done for me and how horrible it feels to pack my things up and prepare to leave and come back to the world that I fled from so many months before. But I know it's the right move and through the heartache that has weighed on me for the past few days, I have so much faith in what is waiting for me back home. Something is drawing me back there and whatever it is, I'm so far past ready for it.

...but meanwhile, I'll suffer through the goodbyes and continue on with my bipolar cycle that's been taking place the past couple days because through it all, my faith will shine through and wonderful things will come to me. I just have to keep my eyes to the sky, that's all...

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 06:33:48 GMT

"If only for today, I am unafraid"

Guys, I feel so much better... really- today has been that transitional day when I've finally decided to leave all of the nonsense behind and move on to better things... and trust me, it has felt so good. Katie's backkkkk... get ready :o)

So the big "move-out" has begun... I spent some time packing today and REALLY, the amount of useless trash in my room is completely ridiculous. I mean honestly, I packed 5 bags and you can't even tell a difference when you walk in here. But you'll have that when you try to cram all of MY stuff into a room that's a fourth of the size of what I'm used to... Mom and dad better get READY for this. Actually, come to think of it, they need to rent a UHaul... I think that'd work out a little better for us!

... It just hasn't all hit me yet and I'm waiting for the moment that it does so that I can stop feeling like I'm in denial about the entire situation. *sigh*

But, yes... I went to the dance program last nite and LET ME TELL YOU-- I can't wait to really dance again. I backed off this semester because I knew my work load was going to be unreal but gah, I really need it in my life again. I'm hoping that I can find a way to dance somehow over the summer-- even if it means getting a key to the studio and going crazy in there by myself... it needs to happen.

I did a lot of thinking today and I think I figured a LOT out! It's pretty exciting to feel laid back and content with whatever happens regardless of what I really WANT to happen. I know whose hands my fate is in so who am I to spend my time wanting something when it could possibly be different than has already been planned? I've just decided to take a deep breath, let life run its course, and enjoy the ride.

Honestly, I can't stress how much I've loved today. I've been so productive that I can hardly stand it and I'm finally so at PEACE. I did my "normal day activities" and then cleaned, ran, packed, did homework, shopped for Aubrey, and had a birthday celebration ((which BY THE WAY GUYS- it's Aub's birthday today... AubreyDanelle is her sn- SEND HER LOVE NOW!))

And I've got the best friends in the world... I know I say it all the time but seriously- I'm so lucky and I hope you all never forget that you are loved. The people here- it's so hard to tell you how I feel but trust me, when it comes time to leave you better be ready for some sap. And you all at home-- I know sometimes I don't stay in touch the way I should but you're in my thoughts all the time and I can't wait to see you guys soon :o)

wellll... haha I thought this was going to be an insightful entry and it's really just not... and I'm tired and for ONCE, you can actually see my bed and I don't have to throw clothes onto the floor in order to get in soooo yah... I'm just gunna have to head outta here but have a great day and I love y'all :o)

Sat, 23 Apr 2005 23:46:50 GMT

I woke up today in psychology mode YET AGAIN and haven't been able to calm my thoughts since.

Sometimes, I think that others believe that I put myself on a pedestal and act like I deserve more than other people... and I can see how they think that but it's really not the case. I just know what I put in and I guess I expect the same amount out and when I don't get what I want, I get a little angry. I was talking to one of my managers at work the other day about this and I realized that I honestly have too high of expectations for not only MYSELF but for other people. I assume that people are going to BE understanding, generous, kind, unconditionally loving, and honest but it's NOT always like that. I'm even guilty of going back on those things regardless of how hard I try not to so who am I to get frustrated when other people do the same thing? I guess I just know what I deserve but sometimes, it seems so foreign and impossible to maintain... ya know what I mean? It's like I've got this great big plan in my head and as much as I want to work and strive to achieve it, I feel like things that aren't in my hands are going to stop it from coming true. People get on me all the time for being "overly optimistic" and I usually am, but today is different. Any other day, I would look at my life and be accepting of every single little thing whether it be good or bad but today is a "reality day" where I can step out of dream world and come face to face with the thoughts I never think. I don't think I like days like today and I can't imagine having this thought process every minute of every day. I might shoot myself, really. I hate to sound so angry and hurt but at the same time, I know it's part of the healing process and that in going through this, I'm THAT much closer to something wonderful.

My lyric of the day is something a friend of mine made me remember the other day::
"You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve"
How true is that? I've made a lot of promises to myself over the past few days and one is that I am seriously going to be more kind to the world because I honestly believe that kindness has so many benefits. And sure- part of it is for selfish reasons because I believe that "what goes around comes around." It does. Good will eventually come to those who are good but at the same time, bad will ultimately come to those who are bad. I just have to maintain patience which is SO HARD for me... but I'm faithful.

And I'd love to continue babbling about the meaning of the world but really- all that matters is that I can taste the sweetness of tomorrow through the bitterness of today. It's always been that way and always will be... the end :o)

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 09:00:44 GMT

KMoneyBoSox: im so proud of you katie. what you did tonight took amounts of courage, confidence, faith, strength and determination that many many people could only wish to possess. you are amazing, and tonight you showed me just why you are my angel. continue in your strength and faith and stand by your word.

God speaks to me through him... I really believe that He does.

******************************************

TONITE, I HAVE LEARNED:

Sometimes, it is hard to do the right thing but regardless of how you feel in the moment, there is no greater feeling than walking away knowing that you have followed your beliefs fearlessly.

Sometimes, things just simply aren't meant to be and if you feel that God is guiding you away from something, don't betray Him and try to force anything into being right for you. What is right is that which God leads you wholeheartedly into, not what you bend to fit your wishes and desires.

No one is worth sacraficing yourself for or losing any piece of yourself for and the minute that happens, you know there is something wrong. The person who is right for you will not only cherish you for the beautiful things inside of you but they will bring out the absolute best that there is within you.

When you begin to notice that something is bringing you more grief than happiness, then what is the point of holding onto it? I'd rather be alone and on a quest for happiness than be stuck in a seemingly endless battle with someone else. Getting out of a bad situation only puts you that much closer to being truly happy.

Never regret a single thing that happens to you because regardless of the outcome, every event will teach you something about either the world or yourself. If it hurts, good- you'll know not to do it again. And if it makes you happy, hold on tight and hope for the best.

Never settle for less than what you deserve. Despite of the hope that someone can pump you full of, look with your own eyes instead of the eyes that someone else is trying to convince you to see through. YOU are the only one who knows what is best for YOU, so stand up for it and don't be persuaded into something that isn't everything you ever dreamt of.

And lastly, never ever EVER put someone before God. In my case, I want to find someone who can cherish my spirituality and help me grow and become closer to God... not someone who pulls me away from Him and, without meaning to, jeopardizes the relationship that I've worked so hard to build. Any relationship I have from here on out will have a strong Christian basis because I hold that so highly and now have proof that it is destined for failure if both of your eyes aren't looking toward God.

Tonight, I can walk away from my relationship with Jason knowing that nothing was lost. Instead, I've gained lessons, experience, and confidence and I can continue on my path with a smile. I am never broken and I never allow myself to come out on the bottom of a situation... and I know that might sound somewhat cocky but I mean it in reference to my outlook and nothing else. And I know exactly what is going to happen with him and his love life and I'm cool with it... I won't understand it but ya know what- that's not my business any longer. I'll just keep him in my prayers and hope that one day, he can find real happiness because, like everyone, he deserves it.

Aub, Karen, Annie, Kasey, Michael, Mom, and everyone else who has put up with me for the past week- thanks for challenging me, for being there to remind me of who I am, for not letting me go through with this, and for loving me even when I was defensive, stubborn, and stupid. You all mean the world to me and I mean this... I did SOMETHING right to get friends like you all and whatever it was, I need to start doing more of...

"Seeing things from a
Clearer side than most can dream
On a better road I feel
So you could say she's safe
Whatever tears at her
Whatever holds her down
And if nothing can be done
She'll make the best of what's around"
-Dave ((as always))
((come to think of it, doesn't this song show up EVERYWHERE!? haha))

<3

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 20:42:54 GMT

Cause I'm digging a ditch
Where all these troubles
That weigh down on me will rise
Where all these worries that hold heavy on my heart
Will die...
-DMB

Wed, 20 Apr 2005 18:55:01 GMT

Conclusions of the day::
I think too much, I'm too ambitious about things, and I need to learn how to take my own advice.

But we won't go there because, well, that's MY stuff that I don't feel like having the ENTIRE world read all about it if that's okay! :o)

But either way-- the past few days have been rocky... it's been the first time since school started that I've had drama and I hate it. I've turned into such a hippy this year, I swear... I'm all about hugs and happiness and holding hands and skipping but that gives me trouble when I'm STUBBORN at the same time. Basically, it's all fun and games until someone crosses me or thinks they can walk all over me and at that point, I yank out my attitude and my pride and go from there. A few people have caught the bad end of this lately and I hate that but I think I'd be angry at myself if I didn't remain strong and stand up for my beliefs so meh... whatever :o) It's all blowing past and I've got 15 days left to have the TIME OF MY LIFE.

I always write these kind of entries but I just think it's cool that as much as I thought I had "found myself", I'm still learning new details every day about how I function, what pushes me, and how I need to handle things to feel good about myself without hurting others.

Really, sometimes I think I need to be a psychology major because I'm *so* amazed by people's emotions, tendencies, feelings, habits... everything. I ALWAYS look into people and try to understand them and I'd LOVE to do that as a career but I think it would have negative effects on me which I would NOT want.

But ANYWAYSSSS- I can't wait to go back to being the person that I was last summer. I've noticed myself slowly transforming back into that person over the past few days and gah, I just love the way I feel right now. I'm so faithful about everything and really NOT worried and it's such a breath of fresh air... I've just gotta get rid of some negative energy in my life and it should be smooth sailing from here out. ((insert lyrics from "Best of What's Around")) If I could find a way to feel like this year-round, I might SERIOUSLY be the happiest person EVER.

Thanks for reading my random deep-ness... as usual... haha-- y'all have a great one and I'll be back soon :o)

<33

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 04:46:33 GMT

Pardon me while I bore you with another "Katie" entry... tehehe

This weekend was, no doubt, one of the worst weekends of my life for reasons that I'm not EVEN getting into but I woke up today with the mindset that I wasn't going to rest tonite until I felt peace within myself and until I found closure to all of the NONSENSE. And I'll have everyone know that the DRAMA IS DONE and now I can sleep at nite and quit clenching my fists and teeth so much. THANK GOODNESS

But let me just state one thing... I do NOT feel bad for people who are miserable and won't do anything about it. Never have been, never will be. I wish that people in this world could find a way to stop POUTING, grab their life by the horns, and step into the real world with their best face. I'll never act like I *always* do that and I know I *always* talk about this, but really guys... you're in charge of your happiness so GET WITH IT and stop feeling so sorry for yourself because you're driving me crazy. Thanks, guys :o)

So I've TOTALLY confirmed the thought of getting an apartment/house/non-dorm residence my junior year... now all I need is room mates. Oh well, I've got all next year to figure it out! How FUN would that be?! Sheesh, it just makes me so anxious...

Bible study today did a LOT for me... it's got me thinking a lot about my spirituality and where I'm going to take it... I've got big plans for this summer/next year and with the help of a GREAT guy I know, I hope to take it really far. But honestly, this is another story for another time and place...

Have you ever read a more RANDOM entry in your LIFE?! baha goodness

Well, I've decided that I *need* to get a new digital camera because honestly, I'm losing my MIND without one. I need pictures of all the girls before the end of school and that's final. ((Still in denail that I'm leaving... oh well- it'll sink in when it needs to haha))

Hmmm... what other POINTLESS stuff can I throw in here?!

Mmmm yah! So i'm coming to Kentucky TWICE this summer *RAWK ONNNN!*-- Once for Dave's shows in Indiana and another time for Karen's wedding and LET ME TELL YA- I'm slightly excited. This summer is gunna be so long, so full of work ((which means MONEY), but soooo amazingly fun. I can just taste it already...

I got REALLY excited today because I saw a Stealth and I was like DUDE, THERE IS ONE OF THOSE WAITING FOR ME AT HOME. I guess it's been hard for me to be REALLY excited about the new car because I haven't seen it in person yet... but I do know that Karen is gunna take me out sometime and help me get REALLY good at driving a stick so that EXCITES me. I don't wanna waste any time when I get home :o)

I'm getting a tattoo of a flower on either the top of my foot or on my ankle and I'm SO psyched. The song "Flower" by Jewel is really and honestly a song that COMPLETELY describes me so that's that! ((www.sing365.com -- read em... they're great))

I can't wait for Aub's birthday at HURRICANE'S-- how FUN! Anyone is welcome to come... just let me know kay!

That being said, I have a huge paper to write that I'm blowing people off for so MAYBE I should get started on that one... Love y'all and take care!! <33

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 19:13:13 GMT

Looking back onto this year, I can't help but be completely amazed at how colorful it looks in retrospect. The things I've learned, experienced, and dealt with have made this year one, if not the, best years of my entire life. After reading Annie's journal, I have felt compelled to write a similar one... but don't expect that I'll get everything out the first time. Instead, expect myself and others to comment daily with something new and hilarious that we left off.

THIS YEAR, I LEARNED THAT
* putting on tap shoes and dancing around in the halls does NOT please the black girls underneath us
* to wear flip flops in the shower because people WILL pee while they're in there
* it is easy to learn every word to EVERY rap song known to man because you can hear them playing 24/7, regardless of quiet hours
* when you're tight with your R.A. and the hall director, life is a breeze!
* cleaning is SO over-rated, folding clothes is a thing of the past, and it's suddenly acceptable to wear the same pair of jeans 4 times before washing them
* you can NEVER have enough quarters
* the "walk of shame" is probably the most embarrassing yet hilarious thing to ever happen-- this occurs when you walk into your dorm at 11 a.m. the day after a huge party wearing the same clothes you had on when you left the night before
* girls are HORRIBLE beings that can't control their tempers, hormones, and emotions
* you're never too old to do handstands in the hallway
* it really is OKAY to walk across campus alone at night
* fresh food was wonderful for about 5 minutes... then i got sick of the cobbler and we were OUTTA there!
* waitressing is the BEST way to meet people, make money, AND burn calories!
* the kitchen table is the BEST bed in the world and is best used while talking on the phone through all hours of the night
* DaveFest was one of the BEST times we had all year
* It IS possible to spike hootch. It is also possible to fall into your closet while you're trying to take your pants off
* shaving your legs is NOT necessary
* chello! the ARAB voice really never gets old. ever.
* complaining about going up the hill is a thing of the past. now, we can all just complain because our legs are too muscular to fit into our pants and we all have ended up looking like hulk hogan
* it's never too late to turn on crappy 90's music and dance around on a towel
* pooping reindeer ARE hilarious, despite what anyone thinks
* being hit on by 27 year old men is indeed NASTY and it causes you to want to take a shower immediately
* you can meet some AWESOME people by yelling out of the windows of your dorms
* you can't EVER take too many pictures... honestly.
* yelling "SHOW ME YOUR BOOBS" to random guys is QUITE hilarious
* running around in a hair-dying cap is about twice as bad.... especially when you knock on a random fraternity's door and and to take a picture with them
* random piercings/tattoos/hair dying REALLY does happen
* having sex with a stability ball is TOTALLY legal in all 50 states :)
* the GRINCH. enough said
* calling someone "Penie Jeannie Giney" will annoy them SO BADLY at first, but they'll get used to it, promise :)
* you can never steal too many condoms from health services
* baking pancakes can REALLY be the best time you ever have
* girls fart.
* they burp, too
* in fact, most times, they'll even tell you when they have to poop
* "Jingle Jangling" is not only for pre-schoolers
* when you're in a bed with two other girls and you can't sleep, just take stupid pictures but NEVER SHOW THEM TO ANYONE because you all look horrible in them.
* girls that you NEVER thought would wear pink will :)
* then they'll call you an ass all semester!
* it's ACCEPTABLE to steal an inflatable toy and hold it for ransom, hahaha
* it's ALSO acceptable to scare Katie so badly that she cries (KIM AND JEANNIE)
* it's okay to eat your body weight in chocolate on your birthday
* dressing up in random outfits and running around the hall is something everyone has to experience before they die
* meeting Big Red will brighten your LIFE
* blowing up an air mattress is much harder than it seems
* it's NOT nasty to lick cocoa off of a countertop, nor is it nasty to be dancing on that countertop when a cop busts into the house you're partying at
* there's nothing wrong with dressing up in army clothes and joining the ROTC class for a day
* skim milk does NOT curdle when you leave it in a secret cupboard in the kitchen... but as soon as you think it might, someone will come and throw it away for ya
* if it rains, throw on some nasty clothes and go mud wrestle in front of preston. Beware, though, you'll lose your favorite bracelet and pitch a FIT about it the next day
* some guys at football games have REALLLLLY REALLLLLLY fat necks. But don't worry, you're not even there to see the game anyway- it's more fun to watch the cheerleaders
* don't get an industrial. you WILL bleed gallons of blood, for sure
* smuggling fruit out of fresh food is FUN!
* GET ON MY LEVEL.
* DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT
* FEELING GROOVY
* the point of the past 3 things: MUSIC accompanies every memory
* when your parents surprise you with two of your best friends from back home, realize that when you WAKE UP and they're in your room, you won't believe it.
* Your dad can NEVER come visit too much. And you can never call your mom too much, either.
* when you're in college, you can WAIT until the last minute to do EVERYTHING because your mom isn't there to YELL at you when you're making noise at 5 in the morning! :o)
* class is DEFINITELY optional and you WILL have those days when you think you might die if you have to go. GO ANYWAY
* for fun, all you need it a bottle of dawn. the bubbles will keep you occupied for hours
* If you twist your ankle once, that's okay. Twice, that sucks. Three times, you're Aubrey.
* guitar is a GOOD way to bond. it is also a good way to get REALLY frustrated
* If you're chipper at 7:30 in the morning, people WILL wonder what your problem is
* you can't EVER have too many pictures of you and your room mate
* If you take dance in college, you WILL hate your teacher.
* Partying with the people you work with is DEFINITELY the best
* Spilling water all over a customer will get you a HUGE tip
* Dropping a plate of honey mustard ALL OVER THE PLACE will not.

... really, this is only the beginning. The comments to this journal will tell the rest.

I <3 my sisters...

Sun, 17 Apr 2005 17:42:59 GMT

She was a queen
Lost within a dream
Misconceived that he was fit to reign
Lies take victims
Seperates them at the seams
Cause them to fall apart
Then move along to better things now

No time permits to open up
When you've been hiding thoughts so strong
She's been holding out for an angel to come along
No reply from the sky
But she just keeps looking up
She just keeps looking up now

She wants to fall in love again...

-crossfade

Wed, 13 Apr 2005 15:36:19 GMT

Quick update about my LOVELY life!!

Wellll... where do I begin!?
The last few weeks of college have begun and honestly, I think I'm in denial about the fact that I'm leaving. I'm just so scared that if I embrace the end of the year and what comes along with it that I will shut people out and I'm definitely not willing to do that. Honestly, my grades have been suffering a bit because I'm so much more concerned with my FRIENDS right now than getting all A's... I've only got so much time, tho, and I'm going to spend as much time with the people I care about as possible.

For those of you that are unsure, the drama with Jason last week was completely untrue and I did decide to stay with him. I'm amazed-- he has so far surpassed anything I ever expected from him and honestly, I'm finding myself falling harder than I intended to. Last Wednesday was a HORRIBLE day for us in some senses but then on the other hand, it forced me to decide if I really wanted this or not... and I do, I really do and I'm finally assured that he does, too. When we keep this up when school gets out, I'm ready to catch the hell for "making the same mistake twice" but really, I don't think it's a mistake or I wouldn't do it. We'll just see what happens-- I mean of COURSE I'm optimistic about it and I'm gunna fight and give it my all but I'm not going to make thousands of promises because then they'll just fall through. I'm just gunna go with the flow and see how this goes... and if it stays on the track it's already on, I'm gunna be in a lot of trouble 23 days from now. I just really feel something different here.. but I'm not gunna go mushy in here because NO ONE wants to hear that and I realize and understand that... just wanted to let everyone know that things are wonderful because everyone keeps asking! :o)

So as you all probably know, Chad wrecked the Mustang a few weeks ago ((no anger, just happiness that he's all in one piece)) *but*, as of yesterday, the Mustang has been replaced with a gorgeous 5-speed Stealth which JUST HAPPENS to excite me. I'm so thankful to have a car for when I get back... I was so worried I wouldn't and I pitched so many fits about it... but I'm good now and I love it!

My friend Jon has hooked me up with THE BEST job... I'll be doing customer service at Carowinds and I'll still be able to waitress at night! *thumbs UP*-- I'm really looking to make a lot of money this summer so I can start saving for my white mustang and *crosses fingers* a house for my junior year. But we'll see!!

I'm still VERY excited about USC and looking forward to summer even more... I can't wait to be around the people that I miss so much but on the other hand, GAH I'm gunna miss KY...

Well, I honestly don't have THAT much to say... just wanted to let y'all know that I'm still alive... I might have something worthwhile to say sometime soon but until then... <33

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 21:35:15 GMT

i HATE misunderstandings.
i hate girls.
and most of all, i hate being wrong!

but i love my friends! :o)

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 06:51:45 GMT

messy, disorganized, social, tough, outgoing, rarely worries, self revealing, open, risk taker, likes the unknown, likes large parties, makes friends easily, likes to stand out, likes to make fun of people, reckless, optimistic, positive, strong, does not like to be alone, ambivalent about chaos, abstract, impractical, not good at saving money, fearless, trusting, thrill seeker, not rule conscious, enjoys leadership, strange, loves food, abstract, rarely irritated, anti-authority, attracted to the counter culture

^^that's what a personality test said about me :o)
pretty true!

Tue, 05 Apr 2005 03:15:28 GMT

Lately, I haven't been able to deal with other people's negativity and it's HORRIBLE but as much as I want to care, I find myself just rolling my eyes at people every time they moan and complain or do something RIDICULOUS.
It's heartless, it really is, but I'm back in that "happy-go-lucky" mode where I'm convinced that nothing can bring me down and I just assume that everyone is that way.
Regardless, I'm sorry if I've been cold to you, short with advice, or quick to get angry. I'm trying to be compassionate right now but I'm having trouble when everyone around me is frowning and all I want to do is smile.
I don't mean to be this way.

don't mean to sound sour... just a little thoughtful

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 05:00:04 GMT

One thing I'm learning about myself...
I rely a little to highly on intuition and feelings and not much on words.
But ya know- I really don't have a problem being that way.
Half the time, I don't remember half the things I say to people but one thing that always sticks with me is the way that person made me feel. Looking back at my friends in high school, I couldn't tell you half the things we did or said but I'll never EVER forget how my heart felt after being around these people.

Moral of the story: It doesn't take words to please me... it never has and anyone who REALLY knows me can tell you that it's true. I don't believe half the things people say to me which is BAD, I know, but hey- that's me and you can take it or leave it. The way I see it, you can formulate anything in your head and pour it out onto anyone willing to listen but whether it is genuine or not is another story... and I'm not keen on bullshit and I'd rather just keep it out of earshot if at all possible.

So shower me with elegant words and cliche phrases if you please, but know that when you're not paying attention, I am. I'm studying the way you hug me, I'm reading into your eyes, I'm examining your smile, I'm listneing to the tones in your voice, and I'm finding the color of your heart.
Scared? Really, you should be... because I always find the truth that you're hiding and for a lot of people, bare honesty is horribly frightening.

And as much as optimistic, dream-obsessed, poetic little me wants to get caught up in the excitement of pretty words and excited imaginations, I've learned to look the world dead in the face and see it for what it's worth. I've found a way to swim through compliments, into someone's eyes, and eventually into their thoughts. But most of all, I've learned that miracles don't need to be fashioned or imagined because they will come in their own time and when they do, they'll create something so magnificent that your previous dreams will melt away and you'll be standing there speechless wishing that you could somehow express the magnitude of the world around you.

Meanwhile, I'll be losing myself in everyone's eyes I meet, searching for truth, wishing for miracles, and praying that when they come, I'll feel it in my heart and be able to grab onto it before it's too late.

Wed, 30 Mar 2005 08:03:13 GMT

You scored as Democrat. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

</td>

Democrat

92%

Anarchism

83%

Socialist

58%

Green

42%

Communism

42%

Fascism

17%

Nazi

Republican

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

hahahaha oh man.... :o)

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 04:13:08 GMT

[Marital Status] definitely single!
[Height] 5'6"
[Shoe size] about an 8 or so
[Parents still together] nope
[Siblings] my baby bro!
[Pets] BAILEY and all 3249 of our fish
[In school/graduated] WKU!

Favorites:
[Color] teal
[Numbers] 13, 21, 7
[Animal] Sea otters and dolphins
[Drinks] diet cherry coke
[Book] Shadows in the Water or Tuesdays with Morrie
Do you...
[Color your hair?] yes'm!
[Have tattoos?] not YET
[Have Piercings?] yes I do! 7 in my ears and my bellybutton!
[Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?] yes i sure do :o)
[Cheat on tests/homework?] I'm in college- I'm pretty sure I'm past that
[Drink/Smoke?] On occasion, yes
[Like roller coasters?] uh YAH- love em
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] Well, yes and no! I love SC, tho... I'll be back there without a doubt
[Want more piercings?] I kinda wanted my nose done for a while but I'm thinking no...
[Like cleaning?] When I get in the mood for it, yah! and (like Kel) I love the results
[Write in cursive or print?] haha I have this horrible mix that most people can't read
[Sweat a lot?] I guess you could say yah- I work out all the freaking time
[Own a web cam?] nope
[Know how to drive?] haha yes- and being able to do it over break ROCKED
[Own a cell phone?] Sure do!
[Ever get off the damn computer?] Yes'm
Have you ever...
[Been in a fist fight?] hahahaha I've punched people but they didn't come back at me
[Kicked someone in the nuts?] BAHA, yes
[Stolen anything?] not that I recall- unless you count "borrowing" jewelry from my mom
[Held a gun?] yes but it wasn't loaded
[Drank?] yes'm
[Been so drunk you couldn't remember your name?] ?? Is it POSSIBLE to get that drunk?
[Considered a life of crime?] hahaha no
[Considered being a hooker?] HAHAHAHA! No, but I do want to learn how to dance on a pole like a stripped
[Cheated on someone? ] Yep
[Cried over a girl?] Yes- girls are NOT NICE and sometimes they say the most horrible things
[Cried over a boy?] absolutely- plenty of times, actually
[Lied to someone?] Yes- who hasn't
[Been in love?] I'd like to think so, yes
[Fallen for your best friend?] mmhmm!
[Made out with JUST a friend?] hahaha yes
[Been rejected?] yep
[Been in lust?] OH yes
[Used someone?] not intentionally...
[Been used?] Yes
[Been cheated on?] Yes
[Been kissed?] haha yah
[Experimented with homosexuality] AHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man

Currents...
[Current clothing] just guess... a tee shirt and sweatpants
[Current mood] anxious! i've been waiting to see jason for FOREVER
[Current taste] pepperoni pizza ((yes, world, I ate pizza))
[What you currently smell like] my perfume
[Current hair] short and STRAIGHT
[Current thing I ought to be doing] making my bed... but that's no fun
[Current cds in stereo] psh- iTunes
[Current crush] well, I kinda have a thing for this kid Jason but it's nothing too serious... :o)
[Current job] RedZone on campus
The last time...
[Last book you read] Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis
[Last movie you saw] uhm-- I guess the recital DVD
[Last thing you ate] pepperoni pizza
[Last person you talked to on the phone] Jase

Do you...
[Do drugs?] haha I have to say no
[Have a dream that keeps coming back?] well I used to- but not recently
[Play an instrument?] guitar, saxophone
[Believe there is life on other planets?] yes! that's just because I want to meet an alien
[Remember your first love?] I surely do
[Still love him/her?] absolutely
[Read the newspaper?] every now and then, yah!
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?] Sure do
[Believe in miracles?] God works in magical ways... yes
[Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?] without a doubt
[Believe in God?] more than I believe in myself
[Do well in school?] As well as I can do
[Go to or plan to go to college] Mhm!
[Wear hats?] every now and then... i got a new one Monday :o)
[Hate yourself?] for decisions, yes-- but I love who I am ((without sounding cocky... there's nothing wrong with loving yourself))
[Have an obsession?] haha plenty!
[Have a secret crush?] uhm, well yah.
[Collect anything?] sorta, yah!
[Have a best friend?] Yes, I absolutely do and they know who they are
[Close friends?] definitely!
[Like your handwriting?] some days, yes-- honestly, it changes with whatever pen i use
[Care about looks?] when I need to look pretty, I do... otherwise, no

Love life
[First crush] Fletcher Rush- kindergarten
[single or attached?] willingly attatched
[Do you believe in love at first sight?] Love at first sight? No... But I do believe that you can sometimes tell a lot about a person the first time you see/talk to them
[Do you believe in "the one?"] eh- I go back and forth... all I know is that one day I will be compatible with someone in every aspect but I don't know that God created ONE person for EVERY other person
[Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?] bahaha yah
[Are you a tease?] eh- people say that, yah... but i don't know
[Shy to make the first move?] I don't feel that it's my place but if I want it, i go for it
Are you a....
[Wuss] haha no, I'll kick anyone's butt :o)
[Druggy] absolutely not
[Daydreamer] more than i should be, yes!
[Freak] no doubt about it!
[Dork] mhm!
[Bitch/Asshole] yes, when I need to be
[Brat] spoiled, but not a brat
[Sarcastic] a lil bit!
[Angel] HAHAHA, probably not
[Devil] nah- I'd like to think no... I'm somewhere between the two
[Shy] at times, yes... but most times i'm not
[Talkative] haha when I wanna be
[Flirty] yes- and it's so helpful when you're a flirty waitress because you get THAT much more money...

*i love being BORED haha*

Mon, 21 Mar 2005 20:28:12 GMT

Relax and stand in the warmth of the sand
the day is long and here for us to take for granted.
We find ourselves to our knees
Water clear, a tender breeze upon our faces
as we bask in our good graces
Yeah, we all are golden here.

And summer, and summer,
where night belongs to lust and lovers.
And summer, and summer,
and I am here to win you over
You will be mine this year...

well, don't expect a post for a good while because we're definitely leaving for USC/Florida in about an hour! Y'all have fun-- I know we will! <33

Sun, 20 Mar 2005 23:00:54 GMT

I just got back from tanning and need to actually SIT DOWN for a few minutes... so I figured I'd get in here and let everyone know what's been going on!!

WELL Spring Break '05 has been *wonderful* so far-- We started on THURSDAY when Dad picked us up from school, we grabbed Jason's roomie, and we headed down to Nashville. Jase met us down there ((after being lost trying to find the hotel for 2 freaking hours)) and we headed to a STRIP CLUB-- it was definitely the nastiest yet most laughable thing I've ever done in my life. The funniest part? After Jason and I got into a conversation about me leaving and how we don't want to waste the time we've got together, he asked me to be his girlfriend IN A STRIP CLUB. But hey-- I guess that's a compliment when he COULD be looking at the girls with bigger boobs and better bodies, aye!? Hahaha, I love it... I guess he just got carried away in the moment and didn't stop to think about where we were and how HILARIOUS it was ((and upon realizing it, I think he said he was sorry 8 thousand times while all I did was laugh...)) I'm DEFINITELY not complaining tho... meeting him has been the best thing that's happened to me in a longggg long time. I'm excited to see what the next few weeks have in store for us and what's going to happen whenever it comes time to leave... I have a really good feeling about this and I really feel that God has led me into this and that He's going to help us do all we can. I know this might seem RIDICULOUS but I'm not going to worry about the future-- especially when all that matters is that I'm smiling in this very moment... :o)
((Fort Millions- i'm pretty sure that y'all will get to meet him... he says he's coming down this summer to see me so if he does, expect phone calls!))

I'm so glad that Aubrey came home with me and has been able to get a taste of my life and the people that I share it with ((even tho we're both battling Strep throat, we've still had a blast.)) We've hung out with just about EVERYONE that I've wanted to see and that rocks my FACE off, honestly... I was worried that I was going to be able to fit everyone into the short amount of time that I had but I've been able to!! ((and there are SOME people that I would have liked to see but I don't feel that now is the time to see them... I'm sure you know who you are and I'm sorry if I feel that I'm blowing you off or whatever because I'm not meaning to. It's nothing personal I promise-- I just think that a lot has changed in both of our lives and that nothing productive would come out of seeing each other right now. There will come a time, tho... you know this)) But anyways- I'm looking forward to NEXT WEEKEND, too, because Aub's friend Mark ((who I happen to ADORE)) is going to be in Charlotte and we're gunna go to Bar, hang out with my friends some more, and have a neighborhood party at Robin and Kevin's :o) *I'M A LITTLE EXCITED...*

So we leave for USC on Monday nite after Chad's game and then we're headed to FLORIDA to stay with Shane (Aub's ex boyfriend) and his friends in their house. I cannot WAIT- we're going to learn how to SURF, go to some wild clubs down there, and go out on the town and to some fancy restaraunts :o) I love being spoiled... we're seriously getting the BEST spring break for about the least amount of money possible.

But SPEAKING of USC- I've been accepted which is GOOD yet BAD... I'm excited about it but I'm starting to get really sad to leave everyone in KY. I've met some amazing people this semester that I don't wanna leave behind... Aubrey being on the top of that list. It makes me sad but I know it's necessary. They've got a new major there that is a B.A. in Dance with a concentration in K-12 Education and that's SO PERFECT for me that I can hardly stand it! I'm just so READY to begin my life... I know I'm still young but all I want is to be independent already but I've got 3-4 more stinkin' years...

I started a job at RedZone on campus and I'm making $100 a nite while working with Jason, Heather, Jessica, and all the other AMAZINGLY FUN people I work with. I can't wait to get back here this summer and waitress a whole bunch because I LOOOOOVE the money, I really really do. I'm thinking if I go to Captain Steve's that I'll end up doing REALLY well but we'll see!

As I'm sure most of you know, Chad totalled my car and I'm really NOT angry about it. Yah, it sucks because you all KNOW how attatched I was to that car but WHATEVER-- Chad is alive and as cliche as that sounds, it's all I care about. I plan on taking out a loan this summer and purchasing a 99 white 5-speed mustang that I found online... and i WILL do it-- you all just wait and see.

Hmm... what else!?
I've got the most kickface room mate in the world, gorgeous friends, a precious boyfriend, wonderful parents, SUCH a blessed life, and a smile that is felt from the depths of my heart. Yah. That pretty much covers it. :o)

I LOVE you all... <33
P.S. EXPECT PICTURES SOON!!